90 days, before I came,
the mend is long and hard now I’m done here.
I don’t remember the sun hidden in this shade
days and days… blur in a straight line.
Muscles tense and the fire in me doused by the indifference of all those I left behind.
The longest three days, followed by a brokenness that couldn’t be believed.
Staring out the window waiting for god to feel relief.
45 years, flashback to tears,
that lonely dusk in a city waiting with promise.
My time machine in the shop.
The high road looked so good from here,
but its all that I feared, and when I woke it passed my line of sight.
I wondered why I had to see you in my dreams again
unforgiving in time, one that came and went
I held on, briefly paused
Realized this dream is a lost cause.
What should I do now that my trial is up?
New ventures ahead instead of dead ends.
A heartbeat when I thought I was gone.
The road that goes on and on.
For suicide awareness month…
If I left AMA, would you follow me
or discard my memory?
I fought the best I could.
Broken, left my heart rotted
how did the world forget?
Knew this would be my last chance
at redemption, not death.
The stranger you watched a thousand times
circled the earth, starved and died.
We forgot how to love.
Hold me my sweetheart, you are my world.
Sleep along the edge, dandelion fields twirl,
Where the willows spring tall, your lashes unfurl.
An embrace as old as the earth,
til my last breathe
my love, my girl.
You are my only,
I am yours.
Sleepwalk with me
until it’s only
you and I,
left on the earth.
Slow burn, the death of presence,
Fearful of moments that don’t exist yet.
Chatter and noise,
Father burying his daughters in oil.
Clog the courts for years.
Sheltered pets, homeless vets—who are the real animals here?
Crowd goes wild, watching the so-called famous fall to the side.
Easier to pretend, pretend to leave
A lover you couldn’t save,
Won’t let you forget why you came.
Run for your life, or stay and watch it all fade.
Let me run away with you…
You’ll never know how much I cared.
Maybe you boys will finally get the daddy you need,
cause there’s nothing left in me.
You pointed your finger, fired a shot,
I pretended to die
stuck my head in the clouds one last time.
You can’t spend your life
floating in the sky.
Falling away, from both of you.
He’ll take care, be what you need.
There’s nothing left of me.
I wonder what its like, real adults, vacations,
sandy shores, 401 k’s, the land of more,
and undecidely bored.
A tired statement on the weariest of souls.
I wonder what it’s like.
Walked along a hazy skyline where carousel’s spin, ice cream melting on beach worn skin,
dripping from your chin
and the zeal of youth for everyone to entertain.
35 years, when I was no longer “sane”
or normal, never to return again.
Strippers bleeding wallets, in a blur,
each more surreal than the one before.
I wonder what its like to be human like you,
I want that too.
Regal me with tales when the world was yours
when I grew tired of this land of yore
the waves grew distant, the beach, the shore,
never knowing what adulthood had in store.
I wonder what it’s like to be human like you,
I want that too.
Lets begin, where the last one ends,
it can be that easy,
We can finish, and in between,
see where it leads us.
Make it last, this may be our only chance.
Crack the doorway, each new day, forge our voice.
Love is not an illusion,
Love discarded and used when
the satisfaction is gone.
We’ll make friends, we’ll comprehend
that the world don’t need us.
If this change is a means to an end,
we’ll pretend it don’t mean much.
We can start something new.