Garage Stalemate

Digested and spit out.
Look at what we’ve become.
All the things I’ve done.
You thought we’d come around,
the passing traffic pays no mind
to the hum; streets and pavements
grounded over a lifetime of small favors,
repairs and traction for us to run each other>>>>>
out of our lives.
Who knew this place was sarcophagus-like
and stripped of imagination?
Pulled the vehicle in slowly and let the engine run,
no daylight exhumed and the garage door shut.
I manage to escape the fumes
because nothing can exist in the dark,
smothered by exhaust
deterred by retaliation.

You Play the Heroine for Me

The desert where you found me deserted and confounded
and living a life that made no sense.
The bums on the street had it right
what’s mine, once yours, so give it without a fight.
Whole years that seem to disappear
your only mindset, broken,
Please get me out of here.
In fact, it sucked to the bottom of the depths,
scalding blister and furnace the churning sand, out of my mind with
no respect,
For what we had, dead on arrival,
wasn’t mere survival–
It was a joke no one got.

Except you,
you picked me up, dusted off the powder and silica-
swept me off the path I journeyed.
Sleepy eyed and beaten to a pulp,
no sanctuary for those who had given up.
You can’t get back what you left
thank the fragments of brain matter
under swept,
seats of a ‘football’ game.. most call it soccer
and 0-0 means that nobody wins.
We’re all poor sports when were sporting each other, and whoring ourselves into a life that has too many variables.
Too many excuses to leave
and not enough to stay.

Victim Statement Editorial

Lay down, the past, underneath,
a crumbled blanket to sleep,
the sidewalk,
you pass quickly on the skyline,
things look better from a distance.
I’m on the other side, a hapless byline
in a ‘choose your own adventure’ book.
I’m watching you drift by-
no more “hello’s”,
niceties falling short, failing us,
the plight of children caught between.
They’ll be ok, kids always are, resilient, tactile,
raw emotions blanked out by playgrounds and Fruit Loops.

Somebody saw me in a crowd, alone,
Nothing even worthwhile
toddlers crowding the stage, lights and heat,
the burgeoning distance where no one can see
-a situation where every instinct let me down.
This auditorium couldn’t hold all my angst.
Angst. Just another word that = I feel sorry for myself.
How I disappointed, but never my intention.
My face blank, I see you and your paternal crutch
and mine, nowhere near here.

Thank god, at least I have a chance now.
I see your face, or faces, dependent on which mood,
weighed in, quality over quantity I guess.

Just stop glaring at me for once.
This isn’t a party for me either.
Despite how your mind grasps at straws
your painted fingernails chipped, resembling claws
and an array of scars
ripple across what’s left of my heart.
We have plenty of baggage for another trip,
let’s empty the contents into someone else’s life.

We’ll never be the same, I’m over here and you’re there
and it was never how it started, but where we left off.
This auditorium, filled with strangers,
filled with people, maybe I said “hi” to them once,
in an effort to relate.
But that’s a poor excuse
and not worth the wait.
Spanning 41 years, awkward smiles, and tears
just in private though.
I’d hate for you to see me as I am.

Troll along, who cares where you go-
the box will keep you neatly in bounds.
People Magazine, Starbucks and cashed in 401k’s.
Looks like a prison from here.
How did it end this way??
I remember.
I just got up and left.

…and me
somewhere in the back aisle,
wishing the whole place was gone.
or is it already ?
The emergency exit within a few sprints to the sidewalk.
Running away, running for my life
or just looking for the next victim.

Ex-Lover

Ex’s and Oh’s
Just let us go
Woke cemented in sweat, so much of what’s taken
and what’s left.
We left it all where arms clench
into a climactic collision
of skin and tissue connected,
limbs pretzel in wild unison,
not quite the way you left them.
The smell in the room of lust, love and blood that mixes well,
convalesce from a night tremor where everyone you left off got back on the floor,
the bodily fluids visible with UV light.

They’ve all had enough of us- they got what they wanted.
take, take, take and I must be more important than you
more important than two
Hands clapped and drawn into laps, asleep
so we can wake in the aftermath.

When Our Ship Sailed Off

Thanks for the push off shore,
delight of the sky,
cackling ashen clouds
the distance that Columbus wrought,
on tired sea legs,
where he rotted
from the inside- the chosen few.
I knew what it felt like–
He never found what he planned out too.
So imagine our failures, the tragic voyage of me and you.
No return trip, just tripping under foot.
Burn the fleet, the scourge as our past, torch the entire crew.
One ship, then the next, careens into the blaze, timbers and ash,
fallen deep, submerged into the last, the fog like haze, billows of smoke.

Sunken treasure, wreckage and relics
left alone as we sought out uncharted waters
and far off distant lands.
Out of the reach of all the dissenting hands,
anguish and bloodlust,
If I can’t have you, no one else can.

Trivia (dad’s day)

I’m getting used to feeling this way and choosing to feel nothing at all…

Passing offensive fodder through your skull,
it makes me sad when I think about us.
Dad, I don’t know you- it’s not like I don’t care,
the broken spiderweb,
mayflies torn of wings, left to die,
and the flow interrupted by the ebb
If your ears syphon it in and exhale,
it only ends up pressure in my head– a burden I don’t need,
and definitely don’t want,
tripping over mountains- we couldn’t scale from one side to the other.
We weren’t meant to understand what life is like without.
This nonsensical twisted lingual stretched to capacity
the nerve of me as an individual, and the audacity
my raw nerve and the nerve endings, folding in on themselves.

Just tell me you love me and let go of yourself
your old self, and the scattered ideas that shift and inseminate the open air,
where people who once cared,
can’t be forced to be anywhere near.