Distance

I’ve accumulated too much, and I want to strip it bare, but still, nowhere. What tickles my spine when the nerves in my fingertips go numb, and I‘m left here staring at blank pages waiting for the words to come. Or the answers, shouting orders so I don’t turn the psyche off and run.

I am inescapable, I am a throne to myself, my worst fears and enemies from foreign lands welcomed in by my own hand.

Staring at the clock hands, digitized, meeting unrealistic demands, to slow down and shut off, pushing the mountain closer to my feet, as the steep fall becomes dreadful. Attention to the distance, my footing as precarious as the unknown.

I fall, I fall. Until there’s only the breath left in the air. Acquiesce, all those who knew me here.

afraid.

Knocking on the door, and I know I’ve felt like this before. This road led to an impasse, all I had, but that’s all gone. What has gotten into you? Maybe I never knew, maybe we never do.

I can’t hurt you from here—I can only hurt myself.

This coffee is stale, or maybe it’s my mood, does it really matter to you? Mine is the oil contrasting the ocean—black out the rest of the world. What has gotten into you? Maybe I never knew, maybe we never do.

Bleeding hearts of every color. Until the pain makes room for more.

I’m afraid. Afraid to go anywhere, to do anything. Outside I hear people move, from place to place, town to town. So you think I’m cool as shit, when I’m losing it, and I’m done with this. No more appeal, throwing shade on all that’s real. I will make this place my home.

Uncomfortably until I’m numb. Comfortable, and then I’m done.

Reclaim

I see your heart pulling away, or is it mine, it’s all the same.
The paint on a log, the multicolored rain. Or is this colorblind for me to find my way?
What was good for you, not ok for me too. Let this moment open a gateway to this half of a heart for me to break.
We are all habits to reclaim.

This hopeful scene plastered in a daydream, the truth, sordid and grey.
Sentiments of fallen ideals, less than real, manufactured in some false display- for you to reclaim.

All those concede, parts of you I didn’t want to see, not in line with my own faults
And the words we had shared, not past lives to bare- believe these moments as truth.

This mind is relentless, searching for heartache and sorrow well spent.
real people matter, feelings we all break.
Because birth to death is not easily explained
No more worry to project.