Stalemate

I’m stuck inside a stalemate I don’t know when it began,
I sure as hell couldn’t stop it then and I sure as hell can’t now
The only thing I know to do that works,
is sit and feel this hurt.

I’ve woken up so many time to wonder where I’m at,
I sure feel like I knew it, before I took this 4 day nap,
But I’ve grown to love this place, sitting with my pain.

I’ve become a stranger, to myself but no one else,
they all think I’ve got it down no need to call my bluff
How odd a place, which recognized my game, with nothing left to say.

If this was a daydream, I’d make sure I was a star,
A selfish vagabond who’s consumed with nothing more.
Than keeping all who love him safely at arm’s length.

So ruffle my pillow & make sure I’m awake,
There’s endless, new horizons
Yesterday can’t take.
All this reality is here and now
in every waking hour.

16 to 40

I came across your saccharin smile, amidst the doe-eyed and sheepish, mistaken for wanderlust.
That’s just how we all seemed to each other.

How lame- you roughing me up with your sentiments, your discontent, the remains of my poise left somewhere outside.
Why didn’t I just stay at home where quiet is understood?

So eloquent- the well wishers knew something I didn’t.
I’d ask you out in the cold, I’d ask you to go home; we could share a ride and make this crowd disappear.

Here inside with so many faces, blurred between the dimly lit and easily forgotten- we lay our egos strewn amongst the dark corners.
Beside myself, I left alone.

The exhilarated moments- you balked, they were only mine to share.
Bitten by the cold night air,
the loyalty of children- misplaced over second thoughts.

Aren’t we forgotten so easily?