I’ve accumulated too much, and I want to strip it bare, but still, nowhere. What tickles my spine when the nerves in my fingertips go numb, and I‘m left here staring at blank pages waiting for the words to come. Or the answers, shouting orders so I don’t turn the psyche off and run.
I am inescapable, I am a throne to myself, my worst fears and enemies from foreign lands welcomed in by my own hand.
Staring at the clock hands, digitized, meeting unrealistic demands, to slow down and shut off, pushing the mountain closer to my feet, as the steep fall becomes dreadful. Attention to the distance, my footing as precarious as the unknown.
I fall, I fall. Until there’s only the breath left in the air. Acquiesce, all those who knew me here.
I am a sunbeam- a laser beam, the terror stream
Relentless and unborn
Ripped the cap of too many Olde E’s
Stripped the sidewalk, battle worn, re-born (again)
so I can tear myself apart
“You don’t have the guts” she said,
far too gone to start
maimed, and pulled back from the ledge
where I saw my roommates and good friends teeter on the verge, feet across the edge
foolish youth and the sad things we dread.
Me, peering from the scourge
too many memories, not so fond
(A learning process to just hold on)
Long enough to pull me apart and leave me there
crouched in the background, my idle mind
with the empty bottle, the soul to purge,
what was left to keep- what’s yours is yours, what’s yours is mine
The nearest life bleeding and new life, new breathe found
and the cold winter air.
I promised myself that would BE THE LAST TIME!
I don’t want either of you to die, plummet nine stories below.
So I’ll hold you up in mind, my memory careening, inaction;
left on the ledge, afraid to leave
equally terrified to live.