Freefall

Maybe you boys will finally get the daddy you need,
cause there’s nothing left in me.
You pointed your finger, fired a shot,
I pretended to die
played dead,
stuck my head in the clouds one last time.

You can’t spend your life
floating in the sky.

Falling away, from both of you.
He’ll take care, be what you need.
There’s nothing left of me.

Father/Mother

Difficult seeing you now, not as you were.

Once, parading me on the riding mower,

life made simple, undaunted.

Singing out of key, the world—my back yard, spinning infinitely.

How strange to see you now. Feeling the weight of each passing hour.

Your strength governing an unappreciated job, driving me around town.

The long ride home, college kid, so scared of letting you down.

I had to raise my own children, to appreciate what I had.

Fast-forward 25 years, flashbacks and soundbites of you and dad.

Patchwork memories accumulate in story books, read aloud.

Do you know how much I love you?

If it only occurred to me.

The impermanence of all this.

I will not forget so easily.

Father stoic, mother heroic—fighting the absence of youth.

Loving their son persistently, they only way they knew.

 

My Little Guy, the Mirror

Son…

When I see it for what it is, they shrunk you from me,
including personalities.
How lucky, disconcerting face, aimless grin trailing somewhere behind the tail of the wind.
Always self conscious, places to hide.
The rollercoaster pulling hair-pin turns and never letting up at the peak of the sky.

The way you twist a slice of pizza into envelope size, full of cheese, ignoring the crust.
Skin freckled, sandwiched between opaline globes- contorted in its own symmetrical array.
No lack of insecurity, no spare trust.
Subtle gestures in crowds, sometimes explosive and back to reserved.
Struggle to co-exist, crowded restaurant, pretend to ignore– maybe you can’t hear with all that noise.

I know the truth “wink,wink”.
They all must be talking about you,
yeah, I do hear that.
They glare from everywhere.
Don’t look now,
I’ve discovered my shadow

Sample Size

Jango Fett, your head-
separated, shoulder length.
So much for when it mattered.
Plot, solution, setting-
character left you for dead.
What happens if you had lived?

Baby’s breath, illusions of a child.
The screaming kept me up at night.
Long nights, Resident Evil-
like I’d win that fight.
Gun metal grey, laser sights & whey,
muscle and good looks
exchanged for the light of day.

Long pre-dawn nap, insomnia
cancelled out.
Tonight, do it all over again
No doubt.
NO end in Sight.

Quiet Hours

“If you could just be with me forever”

That linear scope of time, and my little boys keeping me alive.

What will you remember of the night sky?
The chill night air perforating the warmth of your room.
There’s no way of escaping your sad love for me.
So innocent-
– equating closeness with forever.

I could sit here at your bedside, be there for you when you think I’ve let go
hold your hand as you sleep, and you would never know.

Hide here forever in this tiny place for the few minutes that remain

When you wake I’ll be gone.

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