Xmas eve 20thirteen

A selfish act to want you back
or dwell on memories that don’t make sense.
One day won’t make difference to how I view
the world and go quietly into some snowy eve, break my fall
and then you leave.
Can’t help but want you back,
It’s a movie of my life I’m watching
all the reviews suck
no royalties, no trailers to come; just dumb luck
The return of disillusion- breaks and broken,
stuff we
couldn’t live without,
“happy holiday”, now go back to sleep

Doesn’t mean the same when the years slip quietly by into the night, or the light-
it’s all darkness and the sleigh bells fall away from earshot:
“jingle, jingle-cringe…”
I drift backwards from the anesthesia drip
might as well be that last shot of hard liquor that cascades across my
lips.

To all a good night,
this lonely parched winter…
life has all you need
when you let go
of what you don’t

Cycle (how I learned to walk away)

Here we go again.

Friends and then not friends,

possible reunions cut short.

Your need to extinguish and mine to never relent.

The foot moves forward only to take two steps back.

Love what you know and never stop.

I’m exhausted and the acrylic holds on.

Plaster the foundation with gravity,

or just let it die.

That’s all I wanted from you.

But every month it returns

spotting the moist areas, backdrops of discomfort

and the flow of imagination

cut short.

Dispose the waste, recycle and wait for its return.

The cycle of life or my hope

and its miscarriages

up for grabs.