Sinking

I’ll kill you with the last bite,
ejected from my stomach with forced might,
just so you could let me down easily
…it never does get easier from here.

I can’t take this anymore
but wait, I’ve said that a hundred times before.
Will this be the last time? (laughter abound)
I won’t be here to find out (heaving sound)
Killed by hindsight,
the pain of repetive spilled guts,
another lost fight.
A street corner, toiling for a warm drink,
Out of body, lost control,
or the rational ability to think.

Prepared to sink with this ship,
I’ll wait here til the next go around
Onlookers gawk at the final trip
those who knew watch me drown.

The view from the outside
worse with each blow.
The gutteral churn of a real-life,
B-rate horror show.

What the Room looks like When you Leave

Someday you’ll understand.
Maybe I don’t.
I just know when you leave, I’m always back where I started.
The dim lights, shadows and creeping in the corners of the room,
always waiting & wanting.
The sunshine relents.

My boys look so innocent in this pose,
and I can’t replace the feelings of those close.
We’re all ghosts.

Someday you’ll understand– all the booze and loose women, no critics to laugh at you, you bonehead.
Just the sound of your own voice.
Laughter as medicine, haha, but that’s a joke.
That’s what life looked like, out the window and friends you had are ghosts too- in dreams, at the grocery store, maybe even that bar down the street.

But I don’t drink anymore, I don’t leave with strangers and I simply am no fun.
Someday you’ll understand.

One more seizure, one more pulse;
I am electric.
All my memories of this time
will dissolve into thin air…

They never quite disappear.