Humility on my mind, on your knees one last Time

I don’t know what I’m doing.
So what.

This is indigestible. The movement of my guts.
Shifting of the heart into throat and the burn of acid where air once flowed.
Sour taste-
The way I felt when we parted ways.

Look at me now. You’d be so proud.
But what’s left of us?
The scenery is stifling and your breath once draped around my neck.
Tight like thighs in late night dives and the satisfaction was that last cigarette.

Get off your hands and knees.
I’ll clean up the mess this time.
You couldn’t hold it all inside,
and you refused to swallow.
I don’t blame you.

I can’t digest no more, and I thought I was the whore.
That was a smokescreen.
I’m lost.

Release me back into the wild.
The streets are alive.
I will always come crawling back.

Kill the Lights

No coffee, no beer- no more late nights and false idols.
No love, no sex & No family.
No more using my hand for release. No relief
No pain, no regrets, but that’s a lie.
No more lying to myself.

Grease fires and pistol whipped, so sorry that I can’t take it with me.
I put faith in people and things
but they just let me down, and I let me down and now you look at me to share truth.

No more strip clubs, falling off stools- and throwing money at satin skin and broken homes
A life I could never possibly know.
Drown out the hollers for more- we forgive them
And can’t look at ourselves.

No more sleepless nights- you can’t tell them apart
The days bleed out, insomniac, double back & sewage
where the flies circle and circulate
no amount of liquid poured into your stomach allows you to forgive yourself.

No thoughts of death, no more Big Macs,
Pull the stopper on the tub
No more delusions or illusions
No pills for deafening the pain
No allusions that there’s any other way.
No forgiveness, just aftermath
No regrets