Just Today

I can’t qualify who I am, or where I am,
I’m just glad to be alive today.
Don’t care about doctor’s appointments or bills going unpaid.
I woke with myself intact, far from when I started, 5 years long on this path.
A skeletal soul with no place to go,
now I have purpose in the smallest details.
Destined to flourish, not afraid to fail.

I am a survivor, but nothing special.

Still don’t know how this will all play out,
But I know who I’m not, and I’m no longer there.
Just today, the distance of 5 years.

Ride

Clearing the channel, another one’s on their way.
Pulled up in my new ride, different from the one yesterday.
I’m happy to oblige, I cant hide out in the garage
there too much scenery to partake.
The sweet chassis, the chrome, the wheels
Sidewalks, chasing long legs, tall tales, high heels.
Sell me more then my book value worth.
New models off the assembly line,
to the highway, cars in motion, back and forth.
I’m fine, the blacktop flying by.
Another car salesman lie,
Pedal to the floor, open road, forever sky.
As long as there’s gas,
this won’t be my last ride.

Missing

I miss you like the rain
when all the clouds have went astray.
I miss you as if this empty heart,
never went too far
or fell apart.
I miss you when the stars went dead, never fell,
with no more secrets to tell.
I miss the way you smell, the still crackle of time
the ripples in the well.
I miss counting the days you were here, as if they had no end in sight,
and they’re all gone.
I miss the wide eyes, across the room,
the knowing warmth, dancing below the moon.
I miss you like tomorrow will never come.
Feelings unearthed, give rise to new ones.

Stalemate

I’m stuck inside a stalemate I don’t know when it began,
I sure as hell couldn’t stop it then and I sure as hell can’t now
The only thing I know to do that works,
is sit and feel this hurt.

I’ve woken up so many time to wonder where I’m at,
I sure feel like I knew it, before I took this 4 day nap,
But I’ve grown to love this place, sitting with my pain.

I’ve become a stranger, to myself but no one else,
they all think I’ve got it down no need to call my bluff
How odd a place, which recognized my game, with nothing left to say.

If this was a daydream, I’d make sure I was a star,
A selfish vagabond who’s consumed with nothing more.
Than keeping all who love him safely at arm’s length.

So ruffle my pillow & make sure I’m awake,
There’s endless, new horizons
Yesterday can’t take.
All this reality is here and now
in every waking hour.

High Road

For Stacy…

Forever take the high road
I wish I had another place to go.
Forever stuck on this high road
Say it’s true, but how do I really know?
I say I want you to grow, where that leaves me,
I don’t know.
Forever travelling on this high road.

Live for the beautiful, another chance to shine
Downgrade to neutral, watching your shadow go by
I lived for this, no longer bliss, I want to make it right
Watching from afar, I can only hope this is what you want

Forever travelling on this high road.

Connect.

I am missing.

I miss writing scribble resembling prose, conversations going nowhere, rhythmical inflections predisposed.

I miss hands of youthful vigor, broken moments, guiding lights and triggers.
Fighting exhaustive battles between two poles, long defeats, stumbling, whereabouts unknown.

I miss the sentiment and platitudes, taking cities one pavement at a time, reliance and gratitude, longing again for the first time.

I miss the fight, the excuse to stay,
slipping under the cover of night,
in the getaway car so I can run away.

I miss the days, darkened rooms, the palpable dismay,
looking for corners where I can hide in the fray.
Under shelter, accepting surrender, the ambient light of this new day.

I am missing.

Circling the Stars

Calling out and you’re not there.
We had all we wanted but I couldn’t see.
I live in half-truths, spent time from wasted youth,
or one last time to be next to you.
To feel your calm. To feel your unrest.

Can you see it for what it is?
Circling, circling…only to find dead ends.
With your tongue in cheek, you can’t speak, but you know it’s already been said.

No one sees you for who you are. Circling the stars…