Aliens Discover Intelligent Life

I’ve breached the Earth’s atmosphere
how I wish I wore clean underwear.
Sorry, mom.
Spacemen circle around me,
“what a strange oddity we have here” they’d say.
He has every opportunity in the world,
they would think to themselves as they continued on with my alien lobotomy.
I hope I signed a waiver.

Finally I can give back.
Finally someone who understands.
Martians aren’t that bad. I’ll swap dispositions
You’d be pissed too if your were a little green man.

I’m glad that somebody got it right.
Maybe I should pay them instead of my shrink.
I’d feel bad if he couldn’t gas up his yacht
and sail off to some island like you see on reality shows
where men & women pretend to give a shit while mugging for the camera.
There is no award for vanity.
15 minutes reduced to 15 seconds between commercial breaks
and some exotic venereal disease.
‘Every opportunity to destroy yourself’
Just give it to me straight, Doc.
I can’t handle it- but I’ll lie to save us all some grief.

Aliens should open up their heads to see what makes them tick.
Vanity trumps insanity every time.